this is my God 12/24/2009

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Blue homespun and the bend of my breast
keep warm this small hot naked star
fallen to my arms. (Rest…
you who have had so far
to come.)  Now nearness satisfies
the body of God sweetly.  Quiet he lies
whose vigor hurled a universe.  He sleeps
whose eyelids have not closed before.
 

His breath (so slight it seems
no breath at all) once ruffled the dark deeps
to sprout a world.
charmed by dove’s voices, the whisper of straw,
he dreams,
hearing no music from his other spheres.
Breath, mouth, ears, eyes,
he is curtailed
who overflowed all skies,
all years.

Older than eternity, now he
is new.  Now native to earth as I am, nailed
to my poor planet, caught that I might be free,
blind in my womb to know my darkness ended,
brought to this birth
for me to be new-born,
and for him to see me mended
I must see him torn. 

-Luci Shaw "Mary's Song"

 

too comfortable. 12/20/2009

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A couple weeks ago I passed a homeless guy on the way to church.  To be honest, I don't remember where he was standing or even what he looked liked, but I do remember that seeing him --and passing him-- felt like a kick in the gut.  A familiar quiet Voice whispered, "If you don't help him, who will?  If you, who claim to love God and who are on your way to worship your Lord, will not love this soul, who will?"  My gut still hurts.

I remember being in a little dirty airport in Maputo, Mozambique and I remember a little boy with a torn shirt asking me for money. He was one of so many, but for some reason he stood out.  "Please friend," he said, "hungry."  Those were probably the only three words he knew in English, but they were enough to break my heart.  I didn't give him money.  I want to think that I gave him a pack of peanuts or something, but that was a while ago and most likely I'm making that up to quiet my conscience.

The fact is, the homeless guy in Knoxville and the beggar boy in Maputo were both opportunities to let Jesus love someone through me.  And the fact is, I failed them both. 

I spent this afternoon reading the book Under the Overpass, by Mike Yankoski.  That's Mike in the picture above.  Mike and his friend Sam traveled from city to city across the US-- homeless on purpose for five months.  I won't try to tell you all their stories or all the lessons that they learned, but I will tell you that the book made me think long uncomfortable thoughts about a lot of things.  Do I really believe what I say I believe?  What would my life look like if I actually lived out the words I preach so easily?  Would I still love my Lord if life suddenly got very uncomfortable?

These are good questions, but they are worthless if I don't answer them.  It was a great book and I would beg you to read it, but if I walk away from it without changing the way I live, it was a waste of my time.  I need to see people the way Jesus sees them.  I long to look through His eyes and love with His heart. 

My life is comfortable right now.  Way too comfortable.  Jesus says, "follow Me and I will make you a fisher of men."  I'm coming, Lord.  Thanks for loving the unlovely- thanks for loving me.  Please teach me to love.

Comfortable, don’t get comfortable.
I am gonna’ move this mountain
then I’m gonna move you in.

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now;
you’re standing on the edge.
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.

I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

So afraid but you don’t have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I’ll remain
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you’ll find me every time.

So I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna’ love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

                                               -Comfortable (Brandon Heath)

---

 

so satisfied. 12/02/2009

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Well it's about time I blogged about something other than my hair.  (Which is chopped off short now, by the way.)

The month of November was a strange one.  I was working enough hours to put me dangerously close to full time, and far too busy to notice Thanksgiving until it jumped up and surprised me one Thursday morning.  So I may not have put a whole lot of thought into the holiday, but I can honestly say that there has never been a time in my life when I have been as thankful as I am these days.  

God is, in so many ways, so incredibly good.  My cup runneth over.

I wish there was some effective way for me to communicate the gratitude that has filled up and is now spilling out of my heart.  Months ago, I had some doors slammed in my face, and accepting the fact that the Lord wanted me to stay in Knoxville this year (instead of going to Africa or Greenville) was probably the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Now, almost halfway through the school year, I wouldn't trade these days for anything.  The Lord basically told me "Elise, I want you to spend this year learning to love Me and learning to love my people."  Because, in the end, relationships -with God and with those around us- are the only things that last.  This year has been all about relationships... and it has been, without a doubt, the richest, most joy-filled and worship-saturated year of my life.

My loving Father is showering me with His blessings-- make that, drowning me in them-- and showing me that He is just that: a loving Father who gives His children good gifts.  New friends, old friends, random people, work, church, family, time, teaching, songs, conversations... the list just keeps going on.  And keeps blowing me away.

Take last weekend, for example.  God moved a mountain range to get me off of work and send me to the Farm for a couple days.  As I drove over there with Ben and Michael, He very clearly whispered these words to my heart: "Elise, I'm giving you this weekend just because I love you.  I want to show you My love.  I want to fill you with My joy."   And He sure did.  The weekend was incredible, and I came away completely overwhelmed by His goodness.  I have way too many stories to share and not enough (or any) pictures, so ask me about it sometime... :)

So I'm not sure what the next couple months will bring.  In fact, I'm pretty much completely clueless.  But I am satisfied -so, very satisfied- in my Lord and His love for me.

the joy of family! this is my beautiful sister Hannah